


when the war is over

by curseofmen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Not A Fix-It, Sad Ending, and i hate it here actually, but make it sad, they deserved so much better than this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25447624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curseofmen/pseuds/curseofmen
Summary: Ahsoka doesn’t get them and it’s enough to make her lungs fill up with the ashes of the bridges she burned down. She was the one to walk away, but still—they’re everything she’s ever known. Is it so wrong to want them back for herself? Even when it might be selfish?[or: five times they thought about the end of the war and one time it actually came but not in the way they wanted to]
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 18
Kudos: 109





	when the war is over

**Author's Note:**

> listen to someone to stay by vancouver sleep clinic & silk by wolf alice if you like extra pain

**i.**

The _Twilight_ is travelling through hyperspace with the three of them holed up in the cockpit on their way back to Coruscant, only to debrief the Council, pick up their men and then to be sent out again. It’s more entertaining when they’re together instead of sitting in a dark room all on your own. Ahsoka sits on the armrest of Obi-Wan’s seat. A holotransceiver is set up before them, displaying a holographic Dejarik game. Obi-Wan is currently kicking her ass at it. Anakin has his feet up on the control tables before them with his arms folded behind his head. 

“Master still kicking your ass, Snips?” Anakin asks with a grin pulling at his lips. Ahsoka just huffs, watching Obi-Wan make his next move, that has her one move closer to losing yet another round to him. 

“Ahsoka is already a better player than you are,” Obi-Wan chimes in, voice dry as always when he’s scolding Anakin or teasing him. “You never bothered to pick up on Dejarik.”

“Because you didn’t want to teach me your tricks,” Anakin retorts.

“Well, where would the fun be in that?”

“The fun in that would be the fact that I would’ve actually learned it and I could play with you.”

“Maybe I will teach Ahsoka all my tricks,” Obi-Wan muses and at that Ahsoka turns to grin at Anakin. 

“I think, I’d like that,” she says, “at least I’d get to beat you then, Master.”

“Haha.” Anakin fakes a laugh. “Very funny. I’m not paying for you the next time we go to Dex’s.”

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both turn to stare at him, mirroring each other in their rather less impressed glares. 

“When do you ever pay when we go there?” Obi-Wan says and Anakin splutters in protest as if what Obi-Wan was saying wasn’t true.

“We haven’t been there in ages,” Ahsoka adds with a sigh, “so does it really matter?”

It’s true. Ahsoka frowns. It’s been ages since they got to eat there without being ordered back to the Temple in the middle of eating or where one of them was missing, mostly Obi-Wan when he and the 212th got assigned on a mission that, for once, didn’t include Anakin, herself and the 501st. Anakin pouts. 

"I can't wait for all of us to go to Dex's when all of this is over and we get to have dinner in peace for once,” he sighs. 

“I’m sure this will be at the bottom of the list of our priorities and duties once the war ends.” Ahsoka looks back to the holographic board of their game, only to realise that Obi-Wan has beaten her once again. Well, there was an attempt at least. 

"We will go," Obi-Wan says calmly, gazing out in the vastness infinity of space, "once all of this is over."

Ahsoka smiles to herself. _When the war is over._ Most of their talks about the end of the war orbit around the bureaucratic nightmare it’s going to be or the question what’s going to happen to their men, only rarely they talk about happier things. Maybe it’s because secretly all of them are scared they’re not going to make it out alive. But they have survived so much, so many deadly situations, they _need_ to make it out alive, so they can have their dinner in peace. Only the three of them—when the war is over.

**ii.**

They are stranded on some stupid planet and it has been raining for hours. For once Anakin didn’t crash their ship but it got blown up by the Separatists instead so that isn’t really any better. They took them out, the enemy forces and now they’re waiting for Rex to pick them up, sitting under some huge plant while the rain drums down on the earth around them. She’s almost asleep, knowing that this adventure of theirs will end with a cold for her at the very least, with Anakin and Obi-Wan talking quietly over her head.

"Maybe take a Padawan," Obi-Wan says, ripping Ahsoka out of her half-delirious state, "this time for real." Ahsoka images him smiling at Anakin with the wrinkles around his eyes deepening for a moment. Ahsoka feels like she has been his Padawan all along just as she has been Anakin's. There's rain dropping onto the ground before them. Sitting under a huge leaf waiting for Rex to come to pick them up wasn't exactly the plan, but things hardly ever go as planned. 

She's curled up against Anakin's side, buried in his Jedi robe after being the one to fall into an underground lake on this Force forsaken planet. She's close to dozing off even with the cold running through her bones. Anakin has an arm around her and she feels the warmth of Obi-Wan on her other side as well. They're talking quietly. 

"You really want us to take another Padawan when Ahsoka is done with her trials?" Anakin asks. "Spare me the _teaching is a privilege_ talk."

"Us?" is the only thing Obi-Wan retorts. He sounds amused.

"Obviously," Anakin mutters, "Ahsoka is your Padawan too. I don't think I would've managed without you."

Obi-Wan laughs; it's quiet and full of affection. 

"And I need to see who exactly you're taking as another Padawan," her Master adds. Ahsoka would imagine that and she wouldn’t want to be the Padawan under Anakin’s withering glare, pondering if he considers them good enough for his old Master. Good thing he comes around fast enough and attaches just as quickly. 

"No worries, Anakin," Obi-Wan says, "you will certainly stay my most memorable one."

"Good."

The Force hums; content and full of love. Ahsoka would like that, she thinks. Having someone else be the youngest one of their group—maybe have someone else take on the role of getting picked on by Anakin. They make good teachers, both of them and of course, they’d stick together for whoever gets to be just as lucky as Ahsoka got. She thinks there’s hardly anything that could separate Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. There’s certainly nothing that could separate her from them. So, she would like that. Another Padawan, another soul who gets to experience the same kind of love they give to her.

When the war is over and they don’t run at the risk of dying every other day. When the war is over, Ahsoka would like another Padawan for her two Masters very much. She falls asleep with a smile on her face and hope for a future that sometimes doesn’t seem too far-fetched after all. 

**iii.**

Obi-Wan stumbles out of the shipwreck after Anakin and her. "I'm hardly surprised anymore," he mutters, patting dust off his robes. His hair is tousled and there's dirt on his cheek. Anakin and her probably give a similar picture. 

"Just because you don't like flying," Anakin protests.

"I don't mind flying, I mind you always crashing the ship."

Anakin rolls his eyes. "You would never survive a podrace," he mutters. 

"I've never seen one," Ahsoka butts in, only heard of them. As soon as the words are out a mischievous gleam settles into Anakin's eyes. 

"We should go," he says, grinning, "to a podrace, I mean. I’ve always wanted to see one on Malastare, where they even fly through the woods. Maybe participate in one, you know Master, for the old time’s sake,”

"Anakin, no." Obi-Wan slumps back against the shipwreck, pressing some buttons on his commlink, probably trying to contact Cody or whoever will be able to get them off this planet this time.

"I haven't flown one in ages.” And Anakin has the actual nerve to whine like a Youngling now.

"For good reason."

"What? You think I don't have it anymore?"

"That's not what I said." Obi-Wan rolls his eyes and Ahsoka suppresses a laugh. 

"You think I don't have it anymore," Anakin says incredulously and Obi-Wan only sighs. 

Ahsoka didn't know Anakin had participated in a podrace even once in the first place. She would like to hear the story behind this but she also feels like this is part of the past her Master is so adamantly set on not talking about.

"We will definitely go once this war is finished," Anakin says and then turns to her. "You will love them, Snips."

Obi-Wan sighs, eyes wandering from Anakin to her, and then there's a softness that settles into his expression. 

"I'm sure you would."

Anakin grins and it lights up the planet. 

"You're the best, Obi-Wan."

Ahsoka faintly thinks that he hardly needs Obi-Wan's permission anymore but old habits die hard she assumes, even though Anakin never listens anyway, to the Council even less. But still—she feels likes Obi-Wan’s approval is all that matters to him and nothing else. And even more so, Anakin would go nowhere without Obi-Wan. 

_When the war is over._ She can't wait for this day to come when they won't have to fight anymore. Drop their weapons and stop with the senseless death and destruction. She would definitely like to watch a podrace, maybe even more if Anakin would be participating. Ahsoka assumes, she could hold Obi-Wan’s hand in an attempt to stop his hair from going grey even faster. When the war is over they will take her to her first podrace. Ahsoka will hold them to that.

**interlude.**

Then she walks away and leaves Anakin and Obi-Wan behind, burns down the bridges that connect her to them.

**iv.**

When she finally sees them again after so many months Anakin’s expressions have hardened even more and Obi-Wan seems to have aged countless years in the span of a few months. She feels bad. The war is hard on them, gnawing away the strength at their very core. 

She feels bad when she brushes Anakin off, tells him that they’ll have to talk later, once all of this is over, but it’s the cold and bitter truth. There’s still a war that’s raging on and they need to end it—once and for all. After that, they can talk. 

She feels bad when Bo-Katan brings up Satine, former Duchess of Mandalore and Ahsoka doesn’t know much about her, but she knows the expressions of hurt and loss that flicker across Obi-Wan’s face at the mention of her name and how Anakin carefully glances in his former Master’s direction, eyes sad; a little less light in them. 

And she feels bad when she argues with Obi-Wan when Anakin and he are being ordered back to Coruscant because the people on Mandalore need them too. Maybe she’s being unfair, maybe not, but more importantly, she doesn’t want to be fair. It’s no secret to herself that she’s still angry with the Council—rightfully so—and that she doesn’t want to speak in their favour. They argue over the Chancellor Ahsoka doesn’t care for anymore because it doesn’t seem like he actually is putting any effort in ending this war aside from sending millions of Clones to their deaths and making the Jedi participate in a war they were never meant for and they argue about maybe everything else that happened without saying it too. 

And that the war is nothing but a hungry monster that eats them away or destroys them until they’re only left to decay shows itself brightest when Anakin is the one who interrupts them, presents the most logical solution, devoid of any emotion. Ahsoka gets the 332nd Company and Anakin and Obi-Wan will go to Coruscant. 

Ahsoka doesn’t get _them_ and it’s enough to make her lungs fill up with the ashes of the bridges she burned down. She was the one to walk away, but still—they’re everything she’s ever known. Is it so wrong to want them back for herself? Even when it might be selfish? 

They agree to split the forces and Obi-Wan leaves. Neither of them manages a goodbye and then Anakin is leading her away. He has to leave for Coruscant. She has to leave for Mandalore. They have their duties. 

_When the war is over_. Then they'll have a chance to talk about everything that has been left unsaid. 

The 332nd paint their armours in orange and white and something cracks when Ahsoka looks at them when they welcome her back with open arms. She missed them. And when Anakin gifts her a new pair of lightsabers, mutters a “They’re as good as new”, when she ignites them adds a “Maybe a little better” some of the bitterness that clawed at her heart while being on this ship melts away just a little bit. 

And then he has to leave. Just like Obi-Wan has already left.

"Anakin," she calls and he turns around. "Good luck."

He smiles at her, the right corner of his lip quirking up. He turns around and leaves. 

When the war is over they will get their second chance. Ahsoka leaves for Mandalore and she doesn’t look back. She doesn’t have to because this war will end and she will see them in her future. 

**v.**

Her insides tighten up when Obi-Wan appears in a hologram before her and tells her that Anakin killed Count Dooku while rescuing the Chancellor and that they want Anakin to spy on him and that Obi-Wan won’t be there with him because he’s leaving _again._ Leaving for Utapau to finally put an end to Grievous. The erratic breathing that wants to escape her lungs and ribcage doesn’t get the chance to because Rex is bursting back into the room, telling them there’s been an attack—Ahsoka thinks she’s too young to be carrying that much weight on her shoulders. 

Obi-Wan looks down at her and she stares back. He looks tired, and sad and concerned like the war is finally breaking down the great Obi-Wan Kenobi as well. Ahsoka wants to reach out to him but she can’t because he’s too far away. 

“You had best go,” he tells, voice soft. And she does. But she can’t just… —they need more time, they need more time to talk about things but they don’t have time, they never had time. She turns around anyway. 

"Tell Anakin—", she starts.

"I will," Obi-Wan interrupts her gently. And she knows Obi-Wan knows what she means because he has always been too good at reading her too. 

Ahsoka turns to leave. There are so many things she needs to tell him too. After all, Anakin isn't the only one she missed so much it felt like someone was taking her lungs apart.

She will capture Maul. Obi-Wan will kill Grievous. The war will end. 

They will be together again, Ahsoka promises herself. _When the war is over._ They owe her a peaceful dinner at Dex’s and a podrace after all. And they will fulfil their promises to her, she will make sure of it, because there’s nothing she wants more in the galaxy than to get them back again. Be with them again.

 _When the war is over._ When all of this over Ahsoka will talk to both of them, close her arms around them and not let go for a while. And because she _knows_ they love her, they will indulge and they can make things whole again. Maybe can start fixing themselves after the war took so much from them. But they will be together again and that is all that matters to her in the end.

**\+ i.**

Ahsoka drops her lightsaber onto the ground. The war is over. The war is over and Ahsoka lost everything to it. Before her lay the buried Clones. Her friends. Rex's brothers. Jesse's helmet stares back at her. 

Anakin and Obi-Wan are _dead._ Her family is gone and Ahsoka wants to scream but there's nothing left inside of her that isn't hollow, numb and carved out with pain.

Instead, it's the Force that screams. It screams in agony, loss and death. Screams at her. The end of the war has stripped everything away from her that she’s ever loved. 

_When the war is over,_ they said. So many times. So many moments where they dreamt and wondered about a future that never came. They were in love with a future that never came. 

_When the war is over._ The war is over now. Ahsoka can't rip her gaze away from the buried Clones. The war is over now and Ahsoka would give everything to get it back if it meant getting them back as well. 

She would fight every battle she has ever fought again, relive every moment she came close to dying; every moment they came close to dying if it meant seeing them again. 

She would do anything just to have them smile at her again, feel their warmth around her and let their laughter fill the room. 

Ahsoka stands still. Her bones ache, her lungs burn and her heart shatters. 

_When the war is over._ The war is over now and Anakin and Obi-Wan aren't here with her. 

The war devoured the ruins of the Republic whole in the end and it devoured the parts of her that are Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi too.

 _When the war is over._ The war is over now and Ahsoka would give anything to be able to undo it. 

_When the war is over_. The war is over and it devoured Anakin and Obi-Wan, ripped them apart and swallowed them whole and Ahsoka would do _anything_ to get them back, _anything_ just to see them again.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bIyIas)
> 
> \+ my [tumblr](https://curse-of-men.tumblr.com/)


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